Let me set the record straight: a Christina Aguilera concert is not the place to go to feel good about yourself. Like, okay, fine, she can sing better than angels and I’m jealous of that but you know, she can’t help it, I can’t help it, whatever. But then she has to come out on stage pantsless for two hours and suddenly I find my self esteem down on the floor with the half-eaten plate of nachos that I keep staring at throughout the concert, dreaming of eating quesadillas and being smeared with butter by toned men on a beach in Mexico and…
But you know what? This isn’t about me. This is about X-Tina and her assless chaps. Now, I went to Justified/Stripped tour in 2003 and okay fine, maybe I wasn’t entirely “lucid” because I went to the concert immediately after getting off a plane from Greece, but I remember it well enough that I know I felt kind of annoyed at X-Tina throughout. Like please, sing a song all the way through. And no, male strippers are not appropriate on stage while you sing a song on domestic abuse.
But this is 2007 and we’re lookin at a new lady here. One who will sing the entire song, substituting only a just few oohs and aahs just to remind us of how inferior we truly are (I’ll take it any day) and one who will, inevitably, bring out the chaps. Almost all the songs tonight were from Back to Basics, which included “Hurt” aka the song I had to wean myself off of for the past month so I could get its full effect of the concert. And then there were some oldies and goodies, like “Dirrty” and “Beautiful” and OMGZZZ “Fighter” and then there were the why’d-you-go-and-change-this-ho “What a Girl Wants” and “Come On Over” (like they made you famous for a reason, X, and it wasn’t cause they were jazz standards).
In all, though, there’s not much wrong Christina really can do with her music. She could vomit on stage and it’d still sound heavenly. So kudos on that but seriously, the costume changes have got to go. Because as much as I enjoy having the show constantly interrupted, I don’t. Although, as a fellow woman who has a tendency to not wear pants, I did appresh the lack of pants and as a fellow owner of assless chaps, well, I think I made the point about ten minutes ago. So on a scale of 1-47, I’d say this was a 39, which is not too shabby, not too shabby. And you know, even if the concert had sucked P, it totally would have been worth it just to see Perez Hilton awkwardly dragged on stage and faux-whipped the way he was. Well played, Christina, well played.
Now please enjoy my totarry awesome pics (espesh the first one, go!) and be jealous of me and my life. Go ahead, I dare ya.