America’s Next Top I Don’t Give a Shit

ZOMG GUYZZZ TYRA BANKS LIKE TOTS GAINED WEIGHT LIKE OMG REMEMBZ WHEN SHE WAS LIKE HOT. OMG BITCH BE EATIN’. OMG OMG PORK CRACKLIN’Z.

That’s right guys, everyone is a-buzz about the former Angel’s weight gain. And, if by everyone you thought I meant just Tyra, you would be right. Because I’m pretty sure the entire American population, including myself, doesn’t give a flying monkey’s ass if Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usTyra doesn’t look as hot as she used to. Girl wasn’t that hot in the first place.

Besides, we all know this is just a ploy to make herself more like GOD AMONG GODS Oprah. That’s right. Like Oprah, Tyra’s got issues ya’ll. Like Cinnabons that be poppin’ up all ova her head. Like little Lindsay Lohans turning her from a doll into a human being. ISS – UES.


Anyways, this week on the Tyra Show, Tyra gives the papz a piece of her ill proportioned forehead in response to recent criticism of her weight:

While the ending to Tyra’s heart-felt rant was cut in efforts to promote (see: beg) for viewership, my sources at the CW have recovered a transcript of the lost footage:

Tyra: “I have one thing to say to you… …NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, go anywhere but the Supercuts at Vermont and 36th. Ask them for the TyTyBaby. It’s. FIERCE. They bleach my skin, weave, and flatten my follices until I’m a complete idiot who thinks people actually care about my weight instead of my alien. like. appearance. All for $29.97!!!! and Guurrrrrlll, you know how I be cheapin’!!”

source, source

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