The Fast and the Furiolivia…Or Something

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usAs a fabulous young lady growing up in New York City, there are certain things that have become a norm in my life. Grays Papaya hot dogs. Walking. And the most glorious of all, cab rides that don’t exceed 50 dollars (crazy, I know). Driving, however, is not a norm. I didn’t get my permit at 16, a car at 18 and my super hot Brazilian boyfriend at 19. What I did get was braces (again) at 16, fatter at 18 and a life of solitude here with Stephen at 19. Because in a place like New York, it’s entirely acceptable for a 23-year-old to have neither license, permit nor any ability whatsoever to drive (Just ask my sister…and then judge her).

The point is, I did get my license. In fact, out of all four kids, I’m only the second one to do so and I’m the prettiest so it’s just a double whammy right there. Sadly, however, having a car in New York is tres expensive and my family doesn’t own one anymore. What I mean to say is, if one more person makes a comment on how I don’t know how to drive, I will legitimately shoot them in the face. If not shoot, nun-chuck the shit out of them because I will drive yo ass all the way to Canada and leave you there.

Kidding aside, this driving thing (i.e. having no car and not being allowed to drive other cars) is a problem. I have, however, thought up a wonderful solution and propose the following: donate to the “Get-Livvy-A-Jaguar” fund so that way I can buy a car to practice driving and you won’t have to get shot or nun-chucked. Win-win, 2K7. Email me to find out where you can send the checks. I also take Visa, Mastercard or money in the form of heart attack dogs. A thank you and good night.

Note: This post was written in honor of my dear Grobot who would like to start a fund as well for the “Grobotmobile,” if you will. She accepts payment via puppychow or in the form of “Rachel Mcadams, avec or pas avec pink hair.” I concur, Grobot, I concur.

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