LiLoverload 2k7: Dina Lohan is a ho

If Lindsay’s in rehab, why is there so much news about her? Oh right, we’re all obsessed. And it’s not even just the two lovely, well-educated, and well-adjusted young writers of IJWLML. It’s YOU too. Admit it.

And that’s a good thing, cuz in times like these, guys, Lindsay needs our love. Because her mom is a raging bitch. Actually, she’s just a HOMESCHOOLED JUNGLE FREAK WHO’S A LESS HOT VERSION OF ME. Or rather, Lindsay. And I’m not sure what kind of education Dina Lohan had, though I’m assumingFree Image Hosting at its pretty shitty if you’re career goal is to look like your daughter.

Anyways, Dina, being the nurturing, caring figure she is, has decided to take Entertainment Tonight along with her as she visits Lindsay in Wonderland. Surprise! You’re on Candid Caaam-ra! No but really, Dina like literally calls up ET is all “hey y’all i’ve heard y’all make your careers off exploiting young actresses, and I thought it might be a good idea to whore my daughter out to you as a means to establish myself as America’s favorite MILF.” And by MILF, I think she really means MILPITHFBSFSAITROTRLIJHC: Mother I’d like to Punch In The Face Because She Fucking Sucks And Is The Root Of The Reasons Lindsay Is Jeopardizing Her Career.

My po’ baby. With a crazy ex-con Poppa-Lo and professional whore Momma-Lo, where can you turn? Well, drugs. Obviously. But I’m providing her an alternative. Safe Haven here at Providizzle**. We have a dimly-lit, grungy spare bathroom, dramatic eye-make up, and some old polo sweaters waiting on the dresser. Just for you…

source, source


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