Heidi is a Ho… Heidi-ho?

If you’ve been keeping up with MTV’s The Hills like me, you know that Lauren is just like tooo cuuuutee and dresses like sooo cuuutee. You know the drama between Heidi and Audrina is just like sooo high school… I mean, like gosh guys, like grow up! And you know Spencer is a just like a total skeeze (and can go shave his back now).

You also secretly hate yourself for secretly watching a very openly bad show. Because, lets not kid ourselves, The Hills is a poorly scripted poorly knocked off knock-off of Sex and the City. And its four leading women have about as much place on television as Carrie Bradshaw’s hideously oversized flower pendants.

You also realize that the show pretty much exclusively recruits its cast members from the university you attend, and secretly hope that some day, you too can achieve fleeting fame and become best friends with Lindsay Lohan. You therefore developed a plan in which you would create an extremely well written, witty blog, doubling — nay, tripling — your chances for stardom. You then realized, mid-post, that you had gone off on a tangent for the past 2 paragraphs and remembered all you originally wanted to say was that HEIDI IS UGLY… and stupid.

So moving on. The following are some of the highlights from Heidi’s interview with Us Magazine about her upcoming spread in Stuff:

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usUs: Do you think the photo spread is sexy?
“Obviously, they are sexy. Mostly because I am hardly wearing anything! I was excited to show a side of myself that people don’t get a chance to see just watching The Hills. Spencer (Pratt, her manager-boyfriend and Hills co-star) definitely likes them!”

Us: Were you nervous about doing the shoot?

“I was definitely nervous about this shoot. It is my first big spread in any magazine and it was a very sexual photo shoot. I wore different swimsuits and outfits. The most provocative photos were either the ones in the pool where I am splashing around in the water, or the poses on the bearskin rug. I definitely had a lot of fun doing it.”

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Us: What’s your message to your teenage girl fans by taking sexy photos like these?
“If they get a chance to do a [national magazine] photo spread [at my age], and they feel comfortable with their bodies, then they should do it. That’s my message.”

Us: So you want to be a pop star?
I am working on my album right now. The sound is going to be very fun, fresh, sexy. It will be the Pussycat Dolls-meets-Gwen Stefani, with a dose of Fergie. I grew up dancing so there also will be a lot of performing. And a lot of my songs will be very sexual.

I have one thing to say about Heidi’s upcoming music career: LINDSAY LOHAN 4 LYFE!!
…Too random? I don’t give a shit, Sucka!



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