Breaking News: Tila Tequila is Really Sad Today

Alright guys, Anna Nicole Smith’s tragic death was definitely a shocker. While all this legal stuff is being sorted out, I think we should take a moment to see how it has affected people, namely, MySpace’s biggest ho, Tila Tequila. Here are excerpts from a bulletin she posted yesterday:

I AM REALLY SAD TODAY

…I am really sad today. Earlier my day started off marvelous until I got home and got online. I posted up a bulletin sending out my condolences to in regards to the late Anna Nicole Smith and I got so much negative energies from some people…

Such negative energies consumed my body, mind, and soul and…

…Then as I was crying on my bedroom floor feeling helpless….I realized that there IS something I could do to feel better! So I looked up the local orphanages in Los Angeles and called around to see if they needed any volunteers! I love, love, love children….especially helpless and innocent ones so now I am on my way to a local orphanage to meet some of these children.

My sprits are high once again and now I have truly found a great way to channel all of these “negative” energy that some people try to project onto me, into “positive”…

….Because of my spontaneous actions to go help out an an orphanage today….I will no longer be posting up my new single that is supposed to be premiering today. That will have to wait until I am in better spirits…Love, Tila



Tila may think she has us all fooled that she’s the next Mother Teresa with bad make-up and large breasteses, but my sources at the orphanage told me this is how it really went down:

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usOrphanage Front Desk Lady: Hi! how can I help you?
Tila: Anna Nicole Smith died. I am really sad today.
Orphanage Lady: Okay… well, what are you here for.
Tila: All these negative energies just consumed by body.
Orphanage Lady: ..um
Tila: And I just finished crying on my bathroom floor for 5 hours. I think I’m pregnant.
Orphanage Lady: ..
Tila: My single is supposed to be released today, but I just couldn’t stop this emotional breakdown, I just couldn’t. Look at my boobs.
Orphanage Lady: Um, ma’am, I here to accept volunteers for our youth mentoring program, did you come here to volunteer?
Tila: Does a bear shit in the woods?
Orphanage Lady: Excuse me? Can you just tell me what your name is, ma’am?
Tila: Yes, first name Tila, T-I-L-A. Tequila is the last name. ‘T’ like Titties, ‘E’ like Eat it, ‘Q’ like Quickie, ‘U’ like ‘uhhhhhh-uh-huh’, ‘I’ like Insert, ‘L’ like Lube, and ‘A’ like Assplay.
Orphanage Lady: Um, so you mean like the hard liquor?
Tila: Oh, why do you want some? I think I have some in the car.
Orphanage Lady: Ma’am, to be honest I’m not entirely sure you’re qualified.
Tila: My breasts are real!
Orphanage Lady: Goodbye, Ma’am.
Tila: I am really angry today. So much negative energies!

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1 Response to “Breaking News: Tila Tequila is Really Sad Today”


  1. 1 pregnancy January 7, 2014 at 10:02 pm

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