Exclusive! Paris Hilton Insider Tells All!

Hey… Hey, psst… It’s me, Paris Hilton’s right eye. Yeah I’m talking to you! No, no, not the guy over your shoulder… You! Ok yes, I know. I know that it looks like I’m talking to him. NO I GET IT. Look, let’s just move past that, alright? I have a lot to say, and I want to get it all out. Ok, seriously, stop looking over your shoulder! I. am. talking. to. you.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usLook, I’m angry. Why? Because recently people have been talking a lot of shit about me – saying I’m a “lazy” eye and that I’m “wonky”. Everyone’s all up in arms because I don’t “follow the lead” of my partner in crime, Left-eye Ho-pez. I’ve gotten through all the criticism for a while now, but I’m getting tired of it. Mainly because it’s not ME at fault.

Lets all admit… Miss Hilton (not actually worth a trillion bucks) is a sinking ship. She went from hot socialite to hot mess. I mean, I used to be considered pretty! Even Beakerz, Paris’ nose, was considered acceptable. Shocking! I know. But the decline of Paris has signaled to me that its time, time to tell the truth – to let it all out about Paris. Parisexposed.com ain’t got nothin’ on me, man. If you knew even half the things I saw – you wouldn’t believe it. Yeah, okay there were a couple times I missed out on the festivities. Like when I was blindfolded by a paper bag that night Joe Francis told Paris he needed to “concentrate”. And yeah, there were a few blow sessions where I rolled into the back of Paris’ head. But I mean, other than that… I live a fascinating life. Don’t believe me? Here’s a rundown of the things I’ve seen just this past month:

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us1. The right side of Paris’s reflection in a mirror (this about 23 times a day, give or take a few)
2. All the paparazzi trying to approach Paris from her right side
3. The cube of ice thrown at Paris’ head after she performed Stars Are Blind
4. That one L.A. hipster girl doing lines of blow off a passed-out bum just past the right shoulder of Brandon Davis.
5. Joe Francis’ right nut
6. Britney’s right boob
7. And lastly, semi-nude pictures of Harry Potter. Who knew?

So, cased closed. I’m Awesome. And I’m going to go record my debut single now. Kisses!

PS. Some pictures of me out and about recently at The Vienna Opera Ball:

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usFree Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usFree Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usFree Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us



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