Archive for the 'by livvy' Category

Dina Lohan Gets (Non-Sexually) Screwed

Daughter to MotherNow, HTG (honest to God), I totally didn’t even mean to double post on the Lohan family. But I did find this story quite amusing and shall continue on: in a word, one crazy bitch dissed another crazy bitch, which is ironic because they’re both crazy bitches. Don’t follow? Well, rumer (willis) has it, Dina Lohan was scheduled to appear on The View to “talk about her daughter” aka promote her own insane interview in Harper’s Bazaar. However, after Rosie O’Donnell read some excerpts from the interview and shockingly gave her negative opinion on DiLo’s mothering ways, the producers decided to cancel Dina’s appearance.

Now, Rosie OD lashing out at another “celeb” isn’t so much news as it is just another Tuesday night in Sunnydale (Buffy reference, zing!) but, for once, I’m with Rosie. Because I’m pretty sure the last thing you should be doing with your daughter who’s been on the road to rehab since Mean Girls is oh, right, DRINKING WITH HER. And going out with her. And trying to look like her because you’re FORTY-FOUR. Not to say that older women can’t look young and/or pretty but seriously, as a girl who has a mother as well, I know that ain’t right.

My outings with Rayray include lunch on Columbus with a side of going to the movies, not drinks at Bungalow with a side of drugs. Although that could be more due to the fact that I just spent an entire night watching Battlestar Galactica instead of “going out”…with Stephen, so it’s not quite as sad/alone but I don’t think that helped my cause. I’m not even sure what my cause is anymore but at this point I think it’d be “leaving my house.” Which I’m going to do right….NOW!

Sourcealicious, Plain Old Photo Source

DISCLAIMER: As mentioned above, I didn’t even mean to do a double Lohan post and after writing this, realized that there may or may not be another one coming later…sorry, BBs, but this is what happens when no one in Hollywood goes to rehab, shaves their head, or puts gerbils up their butt i.e. it’s been a really slow news week so throw us a frickin’ bone here.

Advertisements

Michael Lohan Wants to Save/Bone You!

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usSo after a week of semi-questionable decisions and unquestionable isolation from world news (read: celeb news), I think it only fitting to make my first post-Cabo post about…Lindsay, doi. Well, not so much about Linds as Michael Lohan, the guy who helped spawn the woman we like to call “LaLiLohandar” (or just LiLo). MiLo (get it?!) was released from jail earlier this week and shockingly has gone public about everything in his life ever since the beginning of time.

Seriously, he just got out of jail and the first thing we find out is that he’s got a few reality shows he wants to pitch. Normally, I could give a rat’s ass about any of this but when one of said shows includes putting MiLo, LiLo, Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and their dads onto a DESERTED ISLAND where there’s nothing to do but bone each other and partake in extremely awkward and incestuous orgies, I have to put my foot down. Espesh considering Michael’s track record of being completely obsessed with his daughter. And fine, I’m not really one to judge someone else for blindly supporting Linds but then again, I wasn’t exactly involved in the sexual intercourse that led to her birth. In fact, I wasn’t even born then so really, when it comes down to it, my love for Lindsay and hot dogs is totally legit.

And I haven’t even gotten to the part where one of the other shows he wants to pitch would involve his giving money to prostitutes “just to talk to them and save them.” Because I’m sure what any prostitute really wants in life is to be “saved” by an alcoholic with rage issues instead of finding an actual alternative to, as my mother might say, “hookin.” Ugh, BWE (baby wanna eat).

Sidenote: I thought I should mention that while in jail, MiLo apparently bragged to other inmates about doing Lindsay’s stunt double! Needless to say, this really doesn’t help the whole “I’m-just-your-worried-dad” cause but does help the “Livvy-posting-about-MiLo-being-attracted-to-his-daughter” cause. So, kudos on that.

Photo Source

X-Tina’s Concert = X-tremely X-cellent.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Let me set the record straight: a Christina Aguilera concert is not the place to go to feel good about yourself. Like, okay, fine, she can sing better than angels and I’m jealous of that but you know, she can’t help it, I can’t help it, whatever. But then she has to come out on stage pantsless for two hours and suddenly I find my self esteem down on the floor with the half-eaten plate of nachos that I keep staring at throughout the concert, dreaming of eating quesadillas and being smeared with butter by toned men on a beach in Mexico and…

But you know what? This isn’t about me. This is about X-Tina and her assless chaps. Now, I went to Justified/Stripped tour in 2003 and okay fine, maybe I wasn’t entirely “lucid” because I went to the concert immediately after getting off a plane from Greece, but I remember it well enough that I know I felt kind of annoyed at X-Tina throughout. Like please, sing a song all the way through. And no, male strippers are not appropriate on stage while you sing a song on domestic abuse.

But this is 2007 and we’re lookin at a new lady here. One who will sing the entire song, substituting only a just few oohs and aahs just to remind us of how inferior we truly are (I’ll take it any day) and one who will, inevitably, bring out the chaps. Almost all the songs tonight were from Back to Basics, which included “Hurt” aka the song I had to wean myself off of for the past month so I could get its full effect of the concert. And then there were some oldies and goodies, like “Dirrty” and “Beautiful” and OMGZZZ “Fighter” and then there were the why’d-you-go-and-change-this-ho “What a Girl Wants” and “Come On Over” (like they made you famous for a reason, X, and it wasn’t cause they were jazz standards).

In all, though, there’s not much wrong Christina really can do with her music. She could vomit on stage and it’d still sound heavenly. So kudos on that but seriously, the costume changes have got to go. Because as much as I enjoy having the show constantly interrupted, I don’t. Although, as a fellow woman who has a tendency to not wear pants, I did appresh the lack of pants and as a fellow owner of assless chaps, well, I think I made the point about ten minutes ago. So on a scale of 1-47, I’d say this was a 39, which is not too shabby, not too shabby. And you know, even if the concert had sucked P, it totally would have been worth it just to see Perez Hilton awkwardly dragged on stage and faux-whipped the way he was. Well played, Christina, well played.

Now please enjoy my totarry awesome pics (espesh the first one, go!) and be jealous of me and my life. Go ahead, I dare ya.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Angelina? More Like Adopt-a-baby-lina!

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usSo apparently the collective unit known to some (okay, just me) as “Brangel” has filed adoption papers to adopt a Vietnamese child and while there have been no…oh my god, I can’t do this. I’m sorry, the fact that Angelina is adopting another kid in her sick quest to drive herself completely insane by the time she’s 35 is SO NOT NEWS. Seriously, I know she’s pretty and famous and rich and not that great of an actress and all that, but being a celebrity doesn’t actually make you completely immune from the effects of life. Or childbearing. Or the sudden addition of (now) four members to your once small family. Ugh, now I’m annoyed and have been overwhelmed by the urge to channel my angst into really energetic fist-pumping or perhaps some arm-throwing as I poorly lip-sync to some pop music (circa 2:08) aka reenact this anthem that is the inspiration for this blog…AND OUR EXISTENCE. OMGZZZZZ watching these vids just got me super pumped and empowered! Yeah!

Source-alina

Beyonce + Shakira’s “Beautiful Liar” Video…Is Ass

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usI’ve always liked Shakira because she’s a smart lady, which is why it upsets me that she made the dumbass decision to do this video. And by “video” I mean “excuse to see how much you can make a black lady and a Latina lady look alike.” And the sad thing is, I legitimately couldn’t tell at times who was who, which is great considering the last thing I would ever want is for Shakira to become Beyonce. Although it was funny seeing Beyonce try to belly dance next to the woman who like invented belly dancing (for Americans at least). It was also funny and incredibly awkward watching the both of them butt-hump the wall like there’s no tomorrow. What was not funny was the utter lack of Shakira doing the robot. Boo, whore.

Beautiful Liar

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us In the video’s defense, the song itself sucks so the video may as well also, so kudos on that. Either way, I’ve learned a valuable lesson over the past two days. Just because you have two (or three in the case of “Give It To Me”) world-wide superstars who could each buy your soul and together could buy two of your souls do a song/vid together doesn’t mean that there will be any kind of big budget on that video. Or budget at all. Which is funny considering it goes against all logic and history itself (Michael and Janet’s “Scream” is still the most expensive music video in the history of time). So all this just goes to show, everyone is fucking insane. Discuss.

IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: For much more Beyonce, Shakira and pop culture fun, head on over to our new site: www.ijustwannalivemylife.com. 

Sourceness Monster

World Premiere: Timbaland’s “Give It To Me” Vid Featuring JT and Nelly Furtado

Damn, Gina, look at us, premiering all these great new songs and videos and shit. So you may remember not too long I ago I posted about “Give It To Me” because I’m very hip and um, got the song from a Nelly Furtado forum. Anyway, the vid premiered today on TRL and here it is:

So apparently having three of the biggest stars in pop music today do a song and video together means making a video on an approximately three dollar budget. Seriously, I made a better video in my 290 class and let’s face it, I suck. So based on the law of physics and gravity, this video sucks a lot more than I do. Suckas. Say crack again…CRACK! Anyway, kudos to Timbo on doing the song or whatever but no kudos go out to Nelly whose hair does not look right and who is wearing a longer version of my mother’s infamous 500-dollar metal chain shirt from 1987. While the dress may not have shoulder pads a la Rayray’s shirt, it wouldn’t hurt because that would at least make this interesting to watch. Word of advice for JusTimNel (right?!): next time you wanna do a video, try using a director. And offering to pay people to make it instead of asking a roadie to shoot some random footage. Seriously, it works.

IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: For much more Nelly Furtado, Justin Timberlake and pop culture fun, head on over to our new site: www.ijustwannalivemylife.com. 

Beyonce and Shakira’s “Beautiful Liar.” Seriously.

Shaki Glasses

Well, this is interesting: one of the celebs that I hate most + one of the celebs I love the most = a recipe for mediocrity? In general, Shaki can really do no wrong for me…except for her giant mane of hair at the Grammy’s but still, she’s totally everything I want to be: skinny, multi-lingual, a semi-midge, chock full of metaphors, famous and dating once-hot-but-currently-fat-and-lazy Argentine royalty. But a collabo with Beyonce, really?

Beautiful Liar

Although I guess that was inevitable considering Beyonce owes like half of her career to Shakira…or just the “Baby Boy” video and all her other ones but I really don’t watch Beyonce vids so whatever. Either way, I’m not the biggest fan of the song–I was expecting a “Boy Is Mine” version 2.0 but instead I got this weird mash-up of “La Tortura,” “Whenever, Wherever,” and “Baby Boy” whose tempo will inevitably give rise to some awkward white kid swaying side to side at this years bar and bat mitzvahs. Jews dominating Trinity High School, what what! Nst. All right, kiddies, I’m off to throw myself into the throes of passion…or um, my postmodernism paper.

IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: For much more Beyonce, Shakira and pop culture fun, head on over to our new site: www.ijustwannalivemylife.com. 

Source = me and my cybercam! Cybershot…ugh, my camera.