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Angelina? More Like Adopt-a-baby-lina!

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usSo apparently the collective unit known to some (okay, just me) as “Brangel” has filed adoption papers to adopt a Vietnamese child and while there have been no…oh my god, I can’t do this. I’m sorry, the fact that Angelina is adopting another kid in her sick quest to drive herself completely insane by the time she’s 35 is SO NOT NEWS. Seriously, I know she’s pretty and famous and rich and not that great of an actress and all that, but being a celebrity doesn’t actually make you completely immune from the effects of life. Or childbearing. Or the sudden addition of (now) four members to your once small family. Ugh, now I’m annoyed and have been overwhelmed by the urge to channel my angst into really energetic fist-pumping or perhaps some arm-throwing as I poorly lip-sync to some pop music (circa 2:08) aka reenact this anthem that is the inspiration for this blog…AND OUR EXISTENCE. OMGZZZZZ watching these vids just got me super pumped and empowered! Yeah!



Introducing: What’s Behind Sammy? #01

Beyonce is dominating IJWLML right now. And that’s simply not okay. So we’re introducing a new series called “What’s behind Sammy?”

You may have learned about Sammy through our IJWLMLisms page, but we feel that Liv’s pupster hasn’t gotten enough praise on blog. Thus, this:

Free Image Hosting at
Click above to reveal!! Arf!


Beyonce + Shakira’s “Beautiful Liar” Video…Is Ass

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usI’ve always liked Shakira because she’s a smart lady, which is why it upsets me that she made the dumbass decision to do this video. And by “video” I mean “excuse to see how much you can make a black lady and a Latina lady look alike.” And the sad thing is, I legitimately couldn’t tell at times who was who, which is great considering the last thing I would ever want is for Shakira to become Beyonce. Although it was funny seeing Beyonce try to belly dance next to the woman who like invented belly dancing (for Americans at least). It was also funny and incredibly awkward watching the both of them butt-hump the wall like there’s no tomorrow. What was not funny was the utter lack of Shakira doing the robot. Boo, whore.

Beautiful Liar

Free Image Hosting at In the video’s defense, the song itself sucks so the video may as well also, so kudos on that. Either way, I’ve learned a valuable lesson over the past two days. Just because you have two (or three in the case of “Give It To Me”) world-wide superstars who could each buy your soul and together could buy two of your souls do a song/vid together doesn’t mean that there will be any kind of big budget on that video. Or budget at all. Which is funny considering it goes against all logic and history itself (Michael and Janet’s “Scream” is still the most expensive music video in the history of time). So all this just goes to show, everyone is fucking insane. Discuss.

IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: For much more Beyonce, Shakira and pop culture fun, head on over to our new site: 

Sourceness Monster

Knowleses Mastermind Bot-yonce-gate ’07

Oh deary me! It looks like some SI swimsuit models and the ever charming Beyonce Knowles may have been exposed to an acute form of Hepatitis A!! The Health Department of L.A. County has issued a statement that there was something foul in the food catered by Wolfgang Puck earlier this month during the SI Swimsuit Edition Valentine’s Day party!! Oh how I am concerned for the well being of those innocent young women!

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usUnless… Wait a minute (guuurrl, why you do me like that). I smell something fishy. Feeling in my gut that something is awry, I quickly flick on my DVD of Get A Clue. Surely, in my moment of need, pre-teen Lindsay will be of use. And as always she has pulled through, inspiring me to engage in some internet-sleuthing which leads me to this site – a top-secret “Wikipedia” file found documenting what “Hepatitis A” really is. I peruse the document. A bird caws in the distance. To my horror, I spy… ANOREXIA as a symptom?? Is this perhaps a… CONSPIRACY to keep models skinny or to… KILL THEM?? Is this some kind of SICK PLOY?

Surely it is. The plan — it was too well conceived, it’s execution — flawless. But who was behind this all? I pause to think long and hard. Take a moment to breathe. And a few more to watch Avril Lavigne’s new “Girlfriend” video. Alas, Avril provides the answers. It is complicated. A damn cold night. The man behind it all is the victim herself, Bot-yonce.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.usSee, unlike the general public, I have been privy for many years now to the information that Beyonce is really Bot-yonce, a 27th generation IPod from the future that “sings” on its own. Bot-yonce was far too advanced for the human race to control, and in a last ditch effort to save humanity, NASA launched Bot-yonce into the past. Upon her arrival to the year 2000, Bot-yonce did one of those neck-snap thingies to the real Beyonce, released a solo album, and rejoined forces with Matthew Knowles, aka Satan.

My deductions prove correct once again! This recent brouhaha executed at the SI party is not a mere coincident, it is in fact just another in a series of events concocted by the EKC (Evil Knowles Contingency). In Bot-yonce’s quest to become the most beautiful woman alive (which is clearly impossible, because she is an IPod), she has stealthy poisoned the world’s most revered women, knowing she herself hardly susceptible to a simple human virus! What will Bot-yonce do next?!?!?!

Only God knows. And God helped J-Hud win an Oscar last night. So all I’m sayin’ is: Jennifer Hudson watch yo back.

The End.


World Premiere: Timbaland’s “Give It To Me” Vid Featuring JT and Nelly Furtado

Damn, Gina, look at us, premiering all these great new songs and videos and shit. So you may remember not too long I ago I posted about “Give It To Me” because I’m very hip and um, got the song from a Nelly Furtado forum. Anyway, the vid premiered today on TRL and here it is:

So apparently having three of the biggest stars in pop music today do a song and video together means making a video on an approximately three dollar budget. Seriously, I made a better video in my 290 class and let’s face it, I suck. So based on the law of physics and gravity, this video sucks a lot more than I do. Suckas. Say crack again…CRACK! Anyway, kudos to Timbo on doing the song or whatever but no kudos go out to Nelly whose hair does not look right and who is wearing a longer version of my mother’s infamous 500-dollar metal chain shirt from 1987. While the dress may not have shoulder pads a la Rayray’s shirt, it wouldn’t hurt because that would at least make this interesting to watch. Word of advice for JusTimNel (right?!): next time you wanna do a video, try using a director. And offering to pay people to make it instead of asking a roadie to shoot some random footage. Seriously, it works.

IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: For much more Nelly Furtado, Justin Timberlake and pop culture fun, head on over to our new site: 

Clip Du Jour: 2/26/07

Yes, we know this has been posted on the blog already. But we enjoy procrastinating SO MUCH that we’re taking the time to repost this epitome of our collective love that is Emily Blunt, Meryl Streep and Devil Wears Prada. Oh, and we guess Anne Hathaway can be in that mix too.

Beyonce and Shakira’s “Beautiful Liar.” Seriously.

Shaki Glasses

Well, this is interesting: one of the celebs that I hate most + one of the celebs I love the most = a recipe for mediocrity? In general, Shaki can really do no wrong for me…except for her giant mane of hair at the Grammy’s but still, she’s totally everything I want to be: skinny, multi-lingual, a semi-midge, chock full of metaphors, famous and dating once-hot-but-currently-fat-and-lazy Argentine royalty. But a collabo with Beyonce, really?

Beautiful Liar

Although I guess that was inevitable considering Beyonce owes like half of her career to Shakira…or just the “Baby Boy” video and all her other ones but I really don’t watch Beyonce vids so whatever. Either way, I’m not the biggest fan of the song–I was expecting a “Boy Is Mine” version 2.0 but instead I got this weird mash-up of “La Tortura,” “Whenever, Wherever,” and “Baby Boy” whose tempo will inevitably give rise to some awkward white kid swaying side to side at this years bar and bat mitzvahs. Jews dominating Trinity High School, what what! Nst. All right, kiddies, I’m off to throw myself into the throes of passion…or um, my postmodernism paper.

IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: For much more Beyonce, Shakira and pop culture fun, head on over to our new site: 

Source = me and my cybercam! Cybershot…ugh, my camera.

Umm. What are you doing here?

In case you haven't heard, it's all about our new address now... We're all done here! No worries, it's the same ol' self-deprecating humor and sharp wit, just in a brand spankin' new layout. Check it out at: HTTP://IJUSTWANNALIVEMYLIFE.COM

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